Wednesday, 20 July 2011
The C word
I got a row for using the C word. As usual it was in relation to my run this morning. I sent a text to Clark saying I had managed my 5 mile run but had made the mistake of attempting to run up Laggan Hill. I have a complete mental block when it comes to hills. My head says I can do it and I really want to do it but my legs have a different idea. They just stop. We have endless conversations about why this happens and so far I haven't found the answer. So when I said I had a good run but still can't do hills I got the reply "stop using that f*cking word - it is not in my dictionary!" (the * wasn't me, you know I have no problem writing or saying fuck and all its derivatives)
I don't know how to get round this. Even wee gradual inclines floor me mentally. I'm constantly seeking flat routes to run (and cycle) but as I'm increasing my mileage it's getting harder to find decent routes without just going 10 times round the block. I'm gonna have to run up hills cos something else has started happening. When I grind to a halt, my head fills with more than just running related crap. I'm a half empty glass kinda person so even when there's a lot of great stuff going on I'll always be focusing on the negative.
As I walked up the hill I tried to force myself into thinking positive thoughts. I've been reading a few books on the subject but I think deep down I don't actually believe what they say. Visualising myself running up the hill just doesn't work. Chanting like 'the little engine who could' doesn't work either. The thing is I'm sure I'm physically fit enough to do it now.
I could avoid hills but as I improve I'm discovering what kind of runs I like. I like off road, I like loops rather than out and back runs. And I like running down hills. In this weekend's upcoming club relay event I requested the run down from the dam. 5 miles straight down!
Not using the C word is simplifying the problem. I could say I have difficulty running up hills. But the truth is right now I can't go up hills and I don't know why.